Where are you going?
by Nille815
Summary: It had been two months, three weeks, two days, and seven hours since she had escaped her island nightmare and returned to the real world. Yet nothing felt real about it. Nothing had felt real ever since that moment on the cliffs by the sea. J/K oneshot.


**A/N: **I haven't written anything in years.. however this has been floating around in my head for quite some time. And suddenly, out of the blue inspiration hit today. It's probably full of mistakes as I am VERY rusty, but I hope you'll like it anyway, and that there are still someone out there who wanna read my stuff.

* * *

_Where are you going?_

It had been two months, three weeks, two days, and seven hours since she had escaped her island nightmare and returned to the real world. Yet nothing felt real about it. Nothing had felt real ever since that moment on the cliffs by the sea.

She had lost friends, a son... and the love of her life.

Yet time did not stop for her. The world did not stop. It continued around her, as day turned into night, summer into fall and wounds into scars. Claire's short hair had begun to curl again, Aaron was talking again and her shoulder no longer ached at every movement. She would study the scar often, running her finger over the bumpy little line on her skin, remembering his voice and the painful look in his eyes as he did his best to comfort her. Her tears were always instant. They fell with every little memory of him, surrounding her and drowning her. She did her best to keep them at bay in front of Claire and Aaron, until they burned inside her and there was nothing left for her to do but cry.

The real world had been as kind to Claire as the island had been cruel. Though timid and afraid, she had opened her eyes and arms to Aaron, and found the piece of herself that had been missing for so long. It had been a rough and painful battle, but ever so slowly, the Claire that Kate had once known and considered a friend was returning to them. And it warmed the broken pieces of Kate's heart.. yet the joy was bittersweet; To see _her_ boy growing more and more fond of his real mother every day, trusting her and loving her, it tore at her heart. Yet it was right. It was her only purpose, her only mission in going back to the island. To find and save the real mother of her precious boy. For Aaron was not her son. He was not hers to keep. She had made her peace with that, and tried to be thankful everyday that the boy was still in her life... that he was still hers to love.

Yet her days were grey, her nights black and always lonely as she wept for the things that she had lost. She ached for Jack with every fiber of her being and she needed the comfort of his presence more than ever. She cursed herself for spending so much time finding out that her place in the world was with him, only to lose him again and again. She cursed her stubbornness, her past, her weakness. She had not only lost him... She had lost her place in the world, her strength and passion, her joy and her family. Claire and Aaron was becoming the family they were always meant to be, and Kate felt herself distancing herself from them day by day, as the doubt gnawed at her and the old familiar longing to run began to tug at her. She had lost herself and felt no desire to find her again.. only to run. To leave this place that no longer felt like home. To be someone else and forget that for a time she had been happy standing still.

Two months, three weeks, two days, and seven hours had passed when she finally decided to leave. She packed a bag in the middle of the night, kissed a sleeping Aaron and Claire goodbye. She left no note, or message to be found, and only hesitated once when she was out the door. The night around her was still and dark, the silhouette of the car calling for her, when she turned around and looked back at the house that had been her first real home in so long.

A wave of doubt crashed over her, yet she refused to turn back and hurried to the car, turning her back on what was simply a house... and nothing more.

* * *

She drove for hours and hours and with every mile she went, the sky grew darker and darker and in an all too familiar way, the heavens suddenly opened and broke with an almost torrential downpour. The pounding of the heavy rain on the car roof matched her racing heart, and soon her tears were falling quick and heavy. She had expected that same relief that always filled her when she got away in the past... Yet pain and guilt stabbed at her in waves and the sadness overwhelmed her. But she kept on driving, fighting desperately to breathe and focus on the wet and slippery road.

The motel she finally stopped at had seen better days, and the woman behind the counter looked at her pitifully as she asked for a room for the night, soaked to the bone and shivering, her eyes red and puffy. The room was small and dark, and had a dank feel to it, yet as she closed the door behind her she did feel some small amount of relief. The rain was still falling outside and the thrum of it against the windows was like a melody... calm, yet wild. And it reminded her of both better and worse days. Closing her eyes against the onslaught of the memories of his face and the many moments they had shared in the torrential downpours on the island, she let herself slide down against the door and buried her face in her cold hands, finally succumbing to her exhaustion and grief. She had never felt as lost as she did now.

"Where are you going?" a voice asked her, breaking the deafening silence in the room. The sound of it resonated inside her head as the gentle tone and low timbre were unmistakeably _his._

A breath was caught in her throat as she slowly raised her head and blinked against the darkness. A flickering light from the outside illuminated his face as he looked at her from across the room, his warm brown eyes taking her in. She had not noticed her heartbeat stop, but now it returned with a vengeance and it pounded in her ears as the undeniable sight of him washed over her and shook her to the core. She did not understand why or how he could be there, standing a few feet in front of her. Yet there he was, looking exactly the way he did, on the day she lost him. The dark jeans a little torn, his shirt the same faded blue, his hair and eyes the same dark brown. She gasped for breath, like a drowning man and dared not close her eyes, afraid that this beautiful and dreamlike moment would disappear.

Words tumbled off her lips almost in slow-motion "I don't understand... You died. How-what.. I don't..." He gave her a gentle smile and took a few steps closer to her.

"I did die."

"Then... how are you here?" She whispered to him tearfully, aching for this moment to be real and not just a figment of her imagination. He only shrugged in response, the move so unfamiliar in him that it frightened her. But the look in his eyes was familiar, _does it __really__ matter?_

"Jack..." The name left her lips like a prayer and a question, and through her tears she felt herself smiling. It did not matter how or why. He was here. He was real. And she was not going to question it. And she ached to touch him, to feel him close to her again, even if it was only a dream.

"Where are you going?" He asked her again. And the question hit her like a ton of bricks. She had no idea. And the slight hint of disappointment in his voice would have brought her to her knees, if she was not already sitting down. And she closed her eyes at his questioning gaze, trying desperately not to remember his parting words to her. From far away it came to her _You gotta go.. get Claire on that plane... _She had done what she had promised both him and herself. She had found her, and she had put her on that plane. She had done what he had asked of her. She had left him behind. Believed in him one last time_. _And it broke her heart. And what was she to do now?

She felt him close the remaining distance between them as he knelt in front of her. His presence washed over her, and her breath left her body in a wet gasp as she opened her eyes again. He was so close, she could feel the warmth emanating from him, and she lost herself in the love she found in his eyes. Slowly he raised his hand and tucked a stray curl behind her ear, before touching her face reverently and cupping her cheek. His touch felt like a balm to her soul, and warmth spread through her cold limbs and aching heart. She soaked in the nearness of him and her heart slowed to a steady beat. Timidly she raised a hand to his chest, and the solidness of him and the steady thump-thump of his heart beneath her fingertips comforted her.

"I don't know..." She admitted truthfully as the tears once again spilled from her eyes, and she fixed her eyes on the movement of his chest. Trying desperately to convey how sorry she was for everything, suddenly feeling so ashamed and disappointed in herself, "I don't know what to do.. Jack. I miss you so much. Claire and Aaron.. they don't need me anymore. And I can't.. I can't... I just can't."

"Kate" He whispered simply in return, gently stroking her cheek, "Everything will be alright."

A memory flashed before her eyes. The green of the jungle, a warm embrace and a stolen kiss.

"You know what to do..." He whispered confidently, his voice suddenly filled with such peace, "Go home to our family."

_Home. _The word resonated inside her, and filled her with longing. Aaron's sweet laugh filled her ears, and the image of Claire's trusting smile flashed before her eyes. _Home. _

"They need you." He assured her, the look in his eyes, beckoning her to believe in him. To trust that feeling of home. To stop running. To remember everything they had been through. To remember her place in the world. He was right. She had a home. Claire and Aaron, they were her family now, and he had sacrificed everything for her and them to have a chance to be together again. His last act had been to save her, so she could go home. Something that he would never be able to do. And it dawned on her that she was throwing everything they had fought so hard for away. As if the last years of her life had meant nothing, when they in truth had meant everything, and he was right. Her family needed her. She had a home. A real home, and she had to go back to it. To live, and to love... not just for herself, but for Jack.

She nodded tearfully as a familiar calm settled over her. A feeling that only Jack had ever truly invoked in her. A feeling of belonging and a desire to stand still with someone. It spread though her, and for the first time in almost three months, she was at peace. She was loved and had someone to love, which was all she ever really wanted.

The smile he gave her in return was breathtaking, and for a moment time stood still for her.

"I love you..." She whispered to him, drinking him in, trying desperately to freeze this moment in her mind, somehow knowing that he was leaving again. She remembered the last time they had said goodbye, the crashing sound of the waves against the rocks filled her ears, and she had to close her eyes against the overwhelming pain. "Please... stay with me." She pleaded with him, knotting her hands in his shirt, her voice breaking with every syllable. His warm hands folded comfortingly around hers, as he closed the distance between them and his forehead came to rest against hers. The bittersweet familiarity of it made her ache from head to toe.

"I will _always_ be with you."

* * *

The sun had broken through the sky when she woke, the rays of it finding their way into her little room, and warming her hands and face. Her heart was beating steadily and realizing that it was much easier to breathe this morning than it had been for awhile, she rose with a smile.

She was going home.


End file.
